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Dan Webb

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Relationships are Social Ecosystems

4 November 2011 by Dan Webb

Relationships

We are in a profound relationship with each of these elements of our life experience:
our selves (the identities we wear in our inner ecosystem), our body, our beliefs and thoughts, our family members, our lover(s), our co-workers, our environment, our possessions.

Let’s explore these relationships in a methodical way — that is, to examine them with our systems-thinking perspective as an outsider and with our sensory presence as an insider.

  • our selves (the identities we wear in our inner ecosystem)
  • our body
  • our beliefs and thoughts
  • our family members
  • our lover(s)
  • our co-workers
  • our environment
  • our possessions



Modes of Consciousness


  • Systems Thinking — observing as an outsider
  • Sensual Connection — observing as an insider



Relationship Resources

Resolving Conflict Using The Four Agreements
The Four Agreements — Don Miguel Ruiz (Toltec Wisdom)


  1. I am impeccable with my word.
  2. I don’t take anything personally.
  3. I question my assumptions. (See The Work of Byron Katie for a dirt-simple process of inquiry.)
  4. I always do my best.

Voice Dialogue — embracing all energies — giving voice to and getting familiar with the selves within us that trigger us and sabotage intimacy when we’re suppressing them — interview script
Voice Dialogue in Intimate Relationships

Notes from The Conscious Heart; Seven Soul-Choices that Inspire Creative Partnership, by Gay and Kathlyn Hendricks

Understanding Each Other — Reflective Listening & Authentic Expression (with reference to Marshall Rosenberg’s Nonviolent Communication model)

Mirroring — communication for understanding (from Harville Hendrix)

Attitudes and Guidelines for Promoting Intimacy — Dr. Richard Desselle

Communications Training for Counselors

John Gray’s exercises from What You Can Feel You Can Heal — The Anger Process and The Love Letter Process

Ways for a Man to be Romantic

25 Ways a Woman Can Superglue Her Relationship by John Gray, PhD

The folk tale of King Arthur and the Wise Hag

The Swedish folk tale of the marriage of Princess Aris to a fiercesome dragon

humor about male-female relationships

Friend: Someone whose honesty and loyalty you never have to question
You can trust a friend’s loyalty and integrity — someone who will always assist you in becoming the best version of yourself that you can be. They will listen to you with an open mind. You can trust them to tell you the truth as they see it, especially when it’s not something you want to hear. You can ask them any question and get a straight answer delivered in a respectful manner with your best interest in mind, even if it is your ego’s choice to take offense. They respect you enough to give you the truth, to the best of their ability, and you never have to question whether they would manipulate the data to get a particular response from you. Their intention is always honorable at the current level of their maturation as a self-responsible person.


Systems Thinking

Systems Theory
Introduction to Systems Thinking — an approach to understanding the behavior of complex systems over time. It deals with internal feedback loops and time delays that affect the behavior of the entire system. What makes using system dynamics different from other approaches to studying complex systems is the use of feedback loops, stocks and flows. These elements help describe how even seemingly simple systems display baffling nonlinearity.
System Dynamics Modeling — Using system dynamics modeling of a "bathtub dynamic," here’s how to show people the quantitative impact of CO2 on climate change and how the most common proposals for dealing with the problem will affect the rate at which CO2 will build up in the atmosphere.

Best Practices in Technology Management
Guiding Principles of Team Effectiveness
"Where Good Ideas Come From" by Steven Johnson (video 4:00) — Steven’s TED presentation (video 18:00) 
Basic Concepts of Quality Management
Balanced Scorecard — Handbook for Basic Process Improvement

Murphy’s Law and its corollaries

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